


you and me, we’ve got chemistry

by MelindaMayOwnsMe



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, Crack, F/M, Flirty philinda, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Science Experiments, chemistry gone wrong, i have no idea wth this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 21:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelindaMayOwnsMe/pseuds/MelindaMayOwnsMe
Summary: In retrospect, it was a terrible idea doing this in the middle of the night with no real adult supervision, running on 3 pots of coffee and redbull.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	you and me, we’ve got chemistry

**Author's Note:**

> just a short crack fic to get rid of my writers block. i have no idea what this is but i think it’s funny

“I might just kill Deckard this time I swear Phil I’m not kidding,” May said trudging her way inside the brightly lit laboratory.

Phil snickered behind her, hand running through his hair, “Mel, it’s just chemistry. Just some pouring of this and some heating of that and we’re done!”

Cadets Melinda May and Phil Coulson were in their last year at the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, and the last thing between them and that silver badge is a science laboratory experiment. And well, let’s just say they’d rather not.

“I just don’t get it! We’re ops and communications graduates! Not sci-ops! Why would we have to learn this science crap?” May walked towards the front most table and plopped down on the seat. “I’d rather take 3 more conditioning classes with Jackson. Even if he’s a sexist douche,” she whined, her face flat on the table.

Coulson moved around the room grabbing test tubes, beakers, a bunsen burner, stands, and the chemicals they needed to finish the requirement. “Well,” he wheezed, hauling the items to the table, “what if we need to poison someone? What if we get poisoned? At least we know an antidote for it or how to make the poison with mundane things,” he held up a glass labelled _potassium cyanide,_ “like this. Antidote would be a green veggie.” He placed it down and smiled at her.

“You’re a nerd, Phil Coulson. My big, geeky nerd,” she shook her head fondly at him and pushed her bangs to the side. “Alrighty professor, what shall we do?”

In retrospect, it was a terrible idea doing this in the middle of the night with no real adult supervision, running on 3 pots of coffee and redbull. 

“Melinda- stop! What are you doing!? You’re going to make it explode,” Coulson rushed around the table to block May’s arm from pouring the substance into the beaker, “It says to pour it gradually not all at once!” May huffed and put down the tube. “Not my fault all of them look the same!”

Coulson rubbed his eyes and stared at her before exclaiming, “they have labels!” May scoffed and glared at him, “the labels are so small you can’t even read them!” 

“They’re in big bold letters! How can you miss them?” May rolled her eyes at him, “Because they’re all smeared from you constantly holding the label with wet-“ May whipped her head around at the smell of something burning. “Oh shit,” May ran towards the cabinets rummaging for some towels to stop the fire while Coulson tried fanning it with papers.

“You’re making it worse dumbass!” May yelled as the fire alarm started beeping, “well i don’t see you trying to do anything, May!”

The paper in Coulson’s hand caught fire and the flames from the beaker rose higher. May came running towards it holding a stack of towels and throwing them haphazardly on top of the flames hoping it’d stop.

“Your big plan,” he panted as the sprinklers went off, “was to throw a bunch of flammable towels to the fire?”

“It was the first thing that popped into my head,” May mumbled, watching as the sprinklers extinguished the fire and drenched their reports and clothes.

“Doesn’t excessive heat make glass explode?” May looked at Coulson just in time for the beaker to break and splatter them with sticky brown goo.

“You just had to say it, did you?” May grumbled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“This is your fault.” 

“No it’s yours,”

“You were the one about to pour the whole tube in,”

“Well you were the one who left it unattended,”

“Because you almost blew it up!”

“Well you were the one who blew it up!”

“I was trying to fix it, but I wasn’t in my element,” 

“If that was a pun I'm breaking up with you.” 

“No it wasn’t but you know, I think I know where it went wrong,” Coulson glanced at her smirking. “Please don’t finish that sentence, I’m going to stab you with the glass.”

“We never considered it’s reaction to copper and tellurium because you’re CuTe,” he nudged her with his elbow, snickering.

“I hate you.”

They were still bantering, staring at the pile of towels and shards of glass, covered in goo and water when a dozen or so agents burst through the door.

“Coulson! May! Explain this!” Fury roared out, his eyes raging at the sight of the flooded lab. 

“Cadet May experiments like she cooks sir. She can’t.” Fury looked at Coulson and May incredulously before saying, 

“Coulson, you’re the one missing an eyebrow, covered in shit!”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope that made u laugh BAHAHAAH


End file.
